First, thank you for the wonderful, thoughtful comments left after my last entry. I read them and took each one to heart to ponder. What I am discovering is this: I am still a novice in this motherhood thing, a postulant when it comes to Waldorf, and still very much a seeker when it comes to craft, textiles, and fibers.
Perhaps when I am on my fifth pregnancy I, too, will live with a flock of hens and knit twelve sweaters a year for my Waldorf inspired homeschool children. I am just not there yet, but there is no shame in being a beginner to all of this.
Oh, the desire for change and growth that comes with spring. Grass, sunshine, and flowers helps lift me out of my doldrums and winter meloncholia. Lengthening of days brightens my spirit a little more each day.
Things are still hard in many ways, yet....evening walks bring smiles and moments of easy conversation...visits to the park give us muddy shoes and rosy cheeks...good books read on the balcony show me a way past the anger, a way towards gratitude, a direction for faith, a glimmer of hope.
Some changes ahead:
A summertime move to...if all the stars align...a home of our own. Our eye is on a charming little cottage with a lovely garden.
Working through issues each individually and soon, together. There is something to be said about the theraputic process.
Returning to the Church. It is not perfect, but it is Holy and the grace of the sacraments is so needed around here.
Lent is a slow growth time...and then suddenly, flowers are blooming, the leafy green is covering the trees, the sunshine warms us enough without the sweater. But meanwhile...slow growing but progressing.
Making more conscious decisions about what I digest in terms of reading, music, and visual media. Is it uplifting, yet thought provoking? Does it challenge me without degrading my spirit? Does it speak to something relevant? I find myself moving away from the anxiety producing crime dramas....toward stories about Amish families for entertainment that is also spirit filled. Avoiding the mommy message boards in favor of Mother Jones. Trading in Bust for Bitch because I need my feminism to come in paragraphs rather than photographs of indie band girls with knitting needles. I love them....but words are where I am at.
My favorite television program of all time ended on Sunday. I recorded the episode because I am not quite ready to say good bye to Big Love just yet. Typically, I like to watch something once and then move on. Yet, this program: I can watch over and over. I have the first two seasons on perpetual rotation in the DVD player. If I were to get all the seasons I could probably happily give up pay TV.
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