Friday Reflections

Grateful for: the time in the night when I check on my sleeping children, pull up the covers, and whisper that I love them. 

Praying for: God given growth and the courage to do hard things.

Memory:  Playing restaurant in my grandmother's kitchen.

Ten things I love about our home:

1. The built in china cabinet filled with my grandmother's china.

2. The den with my little office in a closet

3. All the books.

4. The blue and white plate wall in the dining room.

5. The cozy lived in living room.

6. My youngest son's peaceful bedroom.

7. The bright and sunny basement with lots of space to play

8.  All the trees in our yard.

9.  The linen curtains with the big turquoise flowers in the living room.

10. Having a place my kids know as "home."

Marriage and Family

Like any normal American couple, we have our issues. I'm an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I leave empty diet coke bottles everywhere; my husband leaves his clothes on the bedroom floor (right by the hamper!) I like to purge; my husband likes to save. I love shopping; he would rather undergo a root canal. We both struggle with procrastination. We're both hypersensitive. We're both moody. And like every normal American couple, we argue. But we always work through our issues together. We always make up. As mad as I get at him, I am in love with my husband and he is in love with me. Being mad at someone doesn't change the fact that you love them. Mad is just a temporary state of being, love is the committed eternal.

Two nights ago, Gabriel lay in between John and I as we were going to sleep. He grabbed our heads and brought them close and said to us, "I love you both" before falling asleep. It is hard to write about how wonderful that moment was without sounding entirely sappy. I love the fact that my son is able to have two parents who are together. That we have this little family where we are delighted with him, and he with us.

Now, I am not a perfect mom by any means. I tried that once and it was too much of a mind fuck. I thought I had to meet all these standards, and post perfect family pictures, and "create moments" and "find meaning" in them. And then blog about them. It felt so smothering and a lot of it felt like I was stuck in The Feminine Mystique with the Problem that Has No Name. Everybody pose for the Hipstamatic!

We're not picture ready most days at my house. And that is ok. Half the time, I in my yoga pants and tank top til noon. And I keep forgetting to charge my camera batteries!

Today, we worked in the backyard, clearing the yard and flowerbeds of leaves and sticks. Gabriel dug in the dirt with his shovel, picked flowers, and played in the yard. My sister, husband,and I raked and filled bag after bag of leaves and yard waste. I suppose I could have blogged about it, taken some "perfect moment" pictures, and found some deep meaning in them. But it was more fun to just work cheerfully in the yard, get dirt in our hair and under our nails, and enjoy each others company. Gabriel handed me over a dozen little bleeding hearts that he picked from the bushes in our yard. Didn't get a single picture! But that's okay. I will always remember this life we live together

Corners of My Home: Toddler Edition

There is a common meme that I believe originated on SouleMama called Corners of My Home.  Bloggers take and post lovely pictures of beautiful rooms, or corners, of their home. 

These kinds of posts are some of my favorite things to see online.  I love looking at how people decorate and design their homes.   To me, it is better than looking at Country Living or House Beautiful. I love seeing how their personalities are reflected through color and style choice. 
But sometimes, when you are a stay at home mother with a toddler it can feel a little discouraging.

You know these bloggers  have a bunch of littles running around, yet the nature table is perfectly arrayed and no one has used their markers on the robin's egg blue milk painted walls.  And there does not seem to be a stray toy or sock to be found.  Not even a knitted wool one.

And you start to look around your house.  It was clean this morning, but between breakfast and naptime, your child managed to make you look like a candidate for Hoarders.  

Sure, those other mommy bloggers talk about their neverending piles of laundry. But all they show you is the wrought iron bed with the Elizabethan coverlet used by their two year old daughter. 

I am not like those ladies.  I am going to show you what living with a crazy person toddler does to your decor. 

Note ornaments are missing from the bottom of the tree.

He does nothing but throw these letter tiles.

See the drawing paper.  Begged for it.  Then after scribbling once, it was abandoned.  Later ended up on floor.

I really hate the letter tiles. They collect cat hair like crazy.

Daddy and Gabriel made pancakes. And walked off. Also all my baking sheets are no longer in their proper cupboard.

I like to keep my dirty laundry in hampers.  Gabriel does not.

Note gift bag, paper towel roll, and stupid letter tile behind son. 

Beds aren't meant to be made.

Messy bookshelves.

Before the bed is made.  Sometime around three in the afternoon.

So there you have it.  The corners of my house.

Practically a Preschool Curriculum for Under 5 dollars.

So, today at the thrift store I invested less than five dollars in our son's pre-school education.  Since we're homeschooling and let's just be honest, kind of poor, I like to keep my eye out for quality books at rock bottom prices. 

Today was a thrifty good day!



I scored a beautiful facsimile of the 1883 edition of Aesop's Fables by Randolph Caldecott for just .50

Also for fifty cents, I found a lovely book of children's verses and chants compiled by Mary Lou Colgin

Chants for Children

There are chants about creatures, numbers, ABCs, food, seasons, holidays, and more.  The illustrations are old fashioned and charming. There's something in here for every age, too.

One amazing find, for a mere dollar fifty, was the book "Feasting for Festivals: Customs and Recipes to Celebrate the Christian Year"  by Jan Wilson. 

  This book is a feast.   Directions on how to make Advent wreaths and calendars, recipes for Christmastime treats including  Saffronsbrod for St. Lucy's Day,  something called a Christingles (a candle holder made out of an orange and dried fruit);  for Lent and Eastertime there are recipes for Hot Cross Buns, a Greek Christian lenten calendar called a Kukaras, a Paschal lamb cake, a Maypole cake for Springtime.  Windmills to make for Pentecost!  That's just a taste of a book that is already making me dream of Christmas cookies in July....


Since I know absolutely nothing about gardening but want to learn so I can teach Gabriel, it was thrilling to find  Wally's Big Book of Gardening .

According to the book, Wally is a mole who knows a lot about gardening.  He promises to show readers, "the natural miracle of plants and the fun of having your own terrific garden,"  That is exactly what Mama needs!  Plus, I have to admit that I love the simple step by step directions and the charming illustrations. Plus, who can beat a mole as teacher?  Especially when the course book costs fifty cents?



Last, but not least, although we are a ways off from learning about numbers or counting in any formal way, I found a fun little book called Math Play:  80 Ways to Count and Learn

Making numbers out of clay? Counting the chirps of birds you hear in your backyard?  This is the kind of preschool math curriculum I can get behind.  Especially when I thrifted this little gem for twenty five cents!

So, we have some literature, some math, some festival celebrations, some gardening...Along with the old La Leche League Playful Learning: An Alternative Approach to PreSchool   

Don't ask me why but this totally makes me giddy to think that I can thrift my way into homeschooling! 

Journey to my authentic self.

I recently discoverered this website by social worker and writer, Brene Brown.  Her area of expertise is shame research and how struggling with shame gets in the way of our becoming ourselves and living lives of authenticity that will allow us to connect more honestly with others.

I knew I really liked this woman when I read her perspective on coolness on her blog.  She calls it an "emotional straightjacket" and writes,

 "The greatest casualty of the endless pursuit of cool is connection. When we don't let people see and know our true selves, we sacrifice connection. Without connection, we struggle for purpose and meaning."

As someone who has been struggling for a sense of purpose and a meaning to my life, along with this nagging feeling of alienation from connection with others, this really resonated with me. 

Am I lonely because I want people to think I am cool more than I want people to know the authentic Sara?   

And am I ashamed of this authentic person?   Where did I get the message that I am supposed to be a certain way, like certain things, feel certain ways?   Why have I been wasting my life afraid to try something, express something, experiment with something because I am not good enough, perfect enough, cool enough?

I want to start a journey of figuring out exactly who the authentic Sara is and to fight against my tendency to abandon what I want to do out of fears of imperfection. 

I bought this book as a starting point.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown.

New House Update: Kitchen Counters!!!

BEFORE

AFTER

Corian Counter in Granola. 

A letter to my imperfect self.

Dear Self,

You don't have to be perfect.  God loves you anyway.
You don't have to look perfect, God loves you anyway.
You don't have to do things perfectly, God loves you anyway.

Your house can be a mess.
Your baby can be wearing mismatched clothing.
Your dinner can be made in a microwave.

God loves you anyway.
So does your husband.
So does your baby.

This blog doesn't have to have a hundred followers to be meaningful.
Just writing it is meaningful enough.
Your collages don't have to be anything more than things to make you happy.
Your homeschooling plans do not have to be perfect.
Your Waldorf inspired circle times do not have to be tuned to the pentatonic fifth.
God loves your child and will give you the necessary tools to guide him.

Your husband doesn't have to be perfect. God loves him anyway. So do you.
Your baby is wonderful but he, too, is imperfect. And God loves him anyway.  More than you. Which is saying a lot. 
We are all so imperfect in all our little ways. Yet we are still fearfully and wonderfully made.

Still there is beauty, there are quiet moments, there are tiny lilies of the valley in the yard full of dandelions.
And God loves the lilies.  But he made the dandelions too. And he loves them just the same.

Photo Credit Free Foto.com

Sara