The Story of My Chicken, My Anger, and My Insomnia: A Lesson in Home Cooking

So...on Monday night I made a roast chicken.  This is a big thing for me, as I spent the majority of my single years on a diet of Lean Cuisine and sushi....The only time I ever cooked anything with any kind of meat  in it was on the rare occasion I made chicken soup with matzo balls.   I could boil down a chicken to make stock but the idea of anything else made me nervous about food poisoning.  Plus, it seemed kind of expensive.



Around here we typically eat a lot of bread,  pasta, cheese, vegetables....and the meat I get is usually pre-cooked pre-packaged stuff like turkey meatballs and chicken sausage. Or veg meat substitutes.



But I decided to get over my fear of cooking meat.  Or in this case, poultry.  I recently read somewhere (Radical Homemakers, I think)  that the cost of an organic free range chicken is worth it if you know how to make more than one meal from the bird. Like if you make a five lb bird, you aren't likely going to eat all the meat...so you save some chicken for other meals, boil the carcass to make stock, use the stock in other meals.  So, even though it sounds expensive to buy a $17 free range organic roasting chicken...that one chicken can ideally make a few meals for your family.


I went to HomeGoods and bought a good roaster and a meat thermometer. It has the USDA recommended temperatures on it...which made me feel so much more confident about the whole cooking meat process.
I consulted my Nourishing Traditions Cookbook, as well as my mother's expertise. Then I kind of combined those two recipes.


Monday:  After removing the giblets (what are they for exactly?) I gave it a bath and thanked it for being a chicken that would feed our family.  Then I slathered it in some butter, some herbs, and roasted it along with some onions and some garlic. Basted it on occasion. The smell of roasting chicken on a January afternoon is so comforting, I found. So homelike.

It turned out beautifully.  So tender and so flavorful.  Delicious.  Served it with some baked potato and carrots.  The only problem was that I'd never carved a chicken before so it was kind of a hack job...but who cares...it may not be perfect looking but it was tasty, right?

After the meal, I saved the good pieces of meat, the carcass, and the drippings. Au jus?  Whatever it is called. My plan was to make stock, make chicken noodle soup, freeze some. I was also going to freeze stock for future soups.  Most of the meat would go to the CNS, there was some for Gabe's dinner Tuesday night, and some for lunch.

Tuesday:  I took the carcass, put it in a pot with water and started it boiling.  Then I turned it down, added the reserved au jus, some parsnips, carrots, shallots, garlic, grated ginger, a few herbs, sea salt, and cracked black pepper and let it cook down for hours.

It was like Little Shetl on the the Prairie around here.  Nothing says old world Bubbe like the smell of chicken stock on the stove.  I was totally craving matzo balls....but a snowstorm prevented me from getting matzo meal.

The stock turned out beautifully.  I was feeling so proud and confident.  But at the same time...it was at the end of a rather challenging day emotionally and physically.  I am struggling with insomnia and mood swings lately, as well as some womanly issues. Not to mention anger. I am struggling with anger.   I hadn't slept for two days.  And I was alone all day with a toddler.  Plus, I'd reogranized the kitchen and cleaned out the area under where the sink leaked (fixed now) and ruined the contact paper.

I started making the soup...put in the noodles, the chicken, new parsnips, new carrots... Boiling away....It started off so well...at one point I tested it and the noodles were almost done. The carrots were just about to be tender. 

By the time my husband came home I was kind of on edge.  Okay, that is an understatement  Seriously..I was Wifezilla.  He thought I was taking on too much at once on no sleep...and I was screaming how I wanted to accomplish some goals for once in my life...how important it was that I make soup out of chicken carcass and be a radical homemaker with by reclaiming domestic skills...and if he didn't like it he didn't have to eat.  There was more. ...mean and ugly.  My husband left the room after I screamed that I hated him.

(By the way, Gabriel was asleep in bed when all this was going on....I thank God for that.  Thank You Lord for my peacefully sleeping baby who didn' t have to witness the ugliness his mother could spew).

So, after John left the room I sat down on my laptop here to go on facebook or something.  And I seriously got distracted.  John came out of the room, we started talking, and resolving our fight.  And then I looked up at the stove because there was a burning smell.

All. the. broth. was. gone.

Absorbed into the noodles.  And the bottom of the soup pot was burned.  I burst into tears. Big heaving sobs. My beautiful chicken.  My beautiful stock.  My miserable soup.

I felt like a failure who was incapable of accomplishing anything worthwhile in life.  One thing I have always struggled with is big plans and no follow through.  Usually due to fears of imperfection.  So, it was very important for me to finish and succeed at something so simple as roasting a chicken and making some chicken soup.  Depression and other mood issues have made life so hard and difficult.  I've watched so many people move on with their lives while I have stood still, for years.  I want to grow as a person, I want to change. I want to move on and accomplish some goals.

After crying about this for fifteen minutes, I took a much needed shower.  That simple exercise helped wash away the tears, as well as the dirt. I tried some of my broth absorbed noodles....they were kind of tasty actually, with the mashed carrots and parsnips and chicken.  Comforting and nourishing, in a way. So, in the end I got a couple of extra meals...of chicken stock pasta!  This made me feel better, too.  A bunch of food didn't go to waste after all.  Though next time I am going to use a timer and maybe follow a recipe for chicken soup exactly as it reads!

Another thing that made me feel better about making mistakes was this post by Grace at Blue Cloud Cloth. 

So...what I learned from this is that I am going to make mistakes....and that it is okay...I don't have to be perfect.  I also learned that I can roast a chicken, and make a great stock.  And next time I will watch the cooking soup on the stove instead of fighting with my husband.